Morning all!

Monday Sparks #7

A woman discovers her boyfriend's apartment is heavily bugged.

"So, what do you write?"

I'm ashamed to say that on more than one occasion I have hesitated before answering that I write romance. Lately the hot topic in Blogland seems to be the belief that romance writers are saddled with Rodney Dangerfield Syndrome. That in the great otherworld of "literature", they get no respect. Over at Romancing the Blog today there is a post dedicated to this topic that is worth a read if you've got a hot second. Again, like so many other times before, I was going to post a comment there, but then my comment became so long I figured I might as well blog about it myself.

So. We romance writers get no respect because our books are "cookie cutter" easy to write, and every one of them is a bodice ripper. We don't belong on the same shelf as the Melvilles of this world, we aren't doing "real" writing, we all have our minds in the gutter 24/7, etc...

In the words of Sherman T. Potter: Horse Hockey!

I will agree that once upon a time, romance publishers like Harlequin had some pretty strict guidelines that made writing a romance formulaic, or "cookie cutter". And that the art departments went a little crazy with the passionate-almost-impossible-angle cover embraces (see some of the back issues at Snarkling Clean for reference here) complete with the ta-ta's spilling from the conveniently open bodices (look closely and you'll see they're not ripped, just unbuttoned) on almost every heroine.

However, time has marched on. Even in the romance industry, folks. And while the foundation for a romance novel has basically stayed the same--just like the foundations for mysteries or sci-fi have--the book that builds up from there is unique to who writes it.

It's like housing developments. I happen to live in an older one full of 1950's brick ranches. On the surface, they all look alike. But on closer inspection, the bricks may be a different color, or the pitch of the roof is different. This neighbor added a sunroom. That one got some really nice landscaping or a new deck out front. This one likes hedges, that one has a fence. And I'll guarantee you that inside of each one of these "cookie cutter" ranches is a home unique to the people who live there.

It's not easy to write. You're putting yourself out there, vomiting your soul onto paper and hoping someone somewhere will stop and say "Wow." It's the same for everyone, whether you're writing a romance or the next Great American Novel or poetry or paranormals. Writing demands the same attention and sacrifice from everyone involved in it.

Romance novels aren't the "B" list--"if you can't hack the real world of literature, go write a romance"--but I think that people look at the formula (Boy meets girl, etc.. to the HEA) as so everyday that they completely take it for granted. We live in a society constantly barraged by bad news, where angst is the word of the day, where everyone has a problem, where it's always someone else's fault, where the drama goes on constantly. Living happily ever after just isn't good enough anymore. I suppose that's part of the reason that we're not quite up to scratch, which inevitably leads to disrespect.

But where does the dissing begin? For me it began in youth, with my mother telling me that writing isn't a real job. With my teachers and professors proclaiming that real literature is full of angst and difficulty and really long words. And, unfortunately, with myself, reading under the covers with a flashlight, hiding my books between the mattress and boxspring, tucking my writing away where no one could see it and make fun of it.

Respect begins at home, right? Right. So folks, I'm standing up this morning and proudly announcing that I LOVE ROMANCE NOVELS, I READ THEM ALL THE TIME, AND I BELIEVE IN HAPPILY EVER AFTER. ROMANCE ROCKS. AND I WRITE ROMANCE.

I. WRITE. ROMANCE.

Thirteen of the Grooviest Classic Disney-Type Flicks Out There

1. The Love Bug
2. Freaky Friday (yes, the Jodie Foster one)
3. The Cat From Outer Space
4. Flubber
5. The Parent Trap (Haley Mills rocks!)
6. The Apple Dumpling Gang
7. The Absent-Minded Professor
8. Charlie, the Lonesome Cougar
9. The Strongest Man in the World (young Kurt Russell...grrr...)
10. Escape To Witch Mountain
11. Bedknobs & Broomsticks
12. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
13. The Three Lives of Thomasina

Feel free to add on to the list!

Is there anyone out there in the world besides me who has tornado dreams?

I've had them since I was a young girl. Not regularly, and never really the same dream. As I reached adulthood and put some psychology classes under my belt I acknowledged that these dreams are likely a response to stress in my life, and usually I can find a reason (or ten) why I had the dream, thinking about it after the fact.

Probably everybody has some sort of stress dream. I realize my dreams are probably no different than any others.

But the weird thing about them is that, over the years, the tornadoes have gotten closer. And I'm just a little freaked out about that.

Seriously. When I first started having them the tornadoes were on the horizon. Far away, and I was merely an observer. Perfectly safe, no biggie. The dream I had last night, on the other hand, was severe. Dark skies, more than one tornado, I could see them coming, I was trying to get everyone in my vicinity into a cellar and no one wanted to come but my son and my dog. I could hear the wind rising and shrieking--this is a first--and I could see the thing right outside the cellar window. And when it was gone, I went up the stairs and realized half of my house was gone. So was my dog, which was very distressing in the dream. (Son was okay, in case you're interested.)

So I'm laying in bed this morning, thinking to myself, why do they keep getting closer? Why do the dreams seem more real each time? What if, one of these dreams, I don't get inside in time? What if I'm sucked away? Will that be the end of the dreams? Will I die?

Comments/opinions are, as always, appreciated. (Well, except for those 'you're off your f--ing rocker ones... thanks, I already know that.)

The weekend was a blast. I had a great time reconnecting with my writer pals, and I even got some plotting and actual writing done.

Yes!! Actual Writing!!

I feel much better after that weekend away, ready to take on just about anything. So in the spirit of all that creative stuff, I present:

Monday Sparks #6

"What do you mean, you're allergic?"

Impatience is my middle name today. As a matter of fact, it's my first, middle and last name today.

I get to leave for my writer's weekend in 25 minutes, and I can't wait.

I have completely lost my focus here at work, I've been checking email and blogs and looking up new jewelry finds at hsn and finding some "Billboard Hits of the 70's" music to sing me along to my destination.

I'm bored. I'm anxious. I've got ants in my pants.

I swear to God, that clock is moving slower every minute.

A Buzzing Concern

I've been up this morning, reading the news.

(Gasp! Choke! She's been doing what??)

Calm down folks. Yes, it's true that normally I avoid the news like the plague; the bits I get from my Yahoo! home page are generally enough to depress me the whole day. But this morning I clicked on my IE icon and a little blurb had me clicking, and clicking, and clicking some more.

The news? That the honeybees are dying. By the millions. And as yet, there are no answers.

I grew up on an apple farm. My dad also kept bees--it made sense. If you wanted a good crop, you kept a steady source of pollination nearby. I grew up with a healthy respect for the critters. I knew to steer clear of the hives when it was boiling hot and the bees were agitated, I helped my dad harvest the honeycombs and even placed a new queen in a hive once. I learned to make honey, learned to operate an extractor, learned to use a hot knife without burning my hands or wrecking the comb. I learned enough about bees in my childhood to truly appreciate what they give to the world, just by doing what they do day in and day out.

And this morning, reading about how in the US alone we've lost about 1/4 of our bee population due to what they're calling Colony Collapse, reading about the possible reasons (everything from infection to genetically altered crops to cell phone radiation), reading about the dire predictions of rising food prices--again--this year, I'm filled with a real sense of dread and loss.

I mean, think about it a minute. Because of honeybees, we enjoy fresh fruit, flowers, nuts, etc... Honeybees are responsible for at least 1/3 of the world's food supply. They aren't doing anything spectacular, just buzzing around from plant to plant, flower to flower, drinking here, leaving pollen there, trying to figure out why that two-legged creature is jumping and flailing in its presence. But their 'nothing spectacular' is guaranteeing life and productivity for us. If science can't get an answer, if the bees continue to die, it could turn catastrophic. Life as we know it could do a serious one-eighty.

I don't have any great pearls of wisdom to end this blog with. I don't have any answers. But I know this year I'll be watching my garden grow a little more closely. And I'll be counting the bees.

Monday Sparks #5

Walter Cronkite always signed off his newscasts with "And that's the way it is..."

Use the above quote two times in this spark. Begin your writing with:

"He worked up a good lather..."

Over at Deadline Divas yesterday they were talking about reference books, and it gave me an idea for a blog today (thanks, Divas!).

I have had a long-standing, love-hate relationship with reference/help books. On one hand, most of the ones I have read are filled with thoughtful, practical advice. On the other hand, I'd rather spend my reading time on fiction. On one hand, I know that reference is good for you (like eating your vegetables). On the other hand, it would be nice if the folks in reference world could make it a bit more palatable (like swapping the veg for dessert, say).

A standing "rule" of sorts for writers has always been to write about something that stirs your passion. Something you're really, really, really interested in. Well, I'd have to say honestly in terms of romance my hands down favorites are historicals. I love the escape into past times. The gowns and carriages and pageantry, the duels and scandals and witty exchanges. However my WIP is a contemporary. An unfinished, revised, reworked, replotted, reimagined contemporary.

Why? Just because research/reference is such a daunting process? Because I'm lazy? Afraid? Incompetent? All of the above? Do I just need a writerly kick in the behind? Is my WIP unfinished for these same reasons? I'd prefer not to think of myself as a chicken or a slacker, but there is definitely something about the reference process that makes me want to jump in my bed and hide under the covers. There's something about reference that makes me wish they'd come out with one book that explained everything, step by step. For example: If you're writing a regency, the gowns look like this (see illustration and key), there are three kinds of carriages, the heroine would never be named "heather", etc...

Writing isn't an easy process. Reference/research isn't easy either. But I suppose worrying over it and not doing it makes it even harder. (Hang on, I just told Son that the other day in regards to maths. I need to start listening to myself.)



Thirteen Things about ONLINE SHOPPING



1. You can browse in your pj's.
2. You can browse naked.
3. You don't have to deal with 'May I help you?'.
4. You don't have to jockey with other shoppers at racks/tables.
5. You can take... your... time.
6. You can fill your cart, empty it, fill it, empty it, fill it, empty it...
7. No pushy sales people who think they're being helpful.
8. No lines.
9. You can try on clothes in your scaggiest undies and no one will know but you.
10. No dressing room mirrors or scary lighting.
11. No rude shoppers barging in front of you.
12. No searching for a parking spot!
13. When the packages come, it's like Christmas!




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...and I owe it all to romance novels...

Ever played Bookworm? It's a computer game that you can either buy or play online, and the object of it is pretty simple. Build words out of the Scrabble-type tiles for points--the longer the word, the better your points. If you do enough lame words, you get burning tiles that start eating your good tiles. If they reach the bottom, GAME OVER.

Bookworm is one of my happy little addictions, partly because I can play it at work or at home, and partly because it's the ideal game for the writer in me--I get to make words! Big words, small words, and everything in between! And the coolest part is, I'm pretty good at it.

Why? Romance novels.

You see, being an avid reader of the stuff, I come across words that the rest of the populace doesn't on a daily basis. Like dowdy. Quirt. Jape. Phaeton. Apoplexy.

Do you have any idea how many points I can get with words like apoplexy? It staggers the imagination. And if I didn't read romances, I wouldn't come across odd little words like that, and I'd be stuck making boring words like steam, house, rake and apple. Snore.

Who'd have thought it? Romance novels as vocabulary builders! All hail romance!

Well, apparently no one went on vacation for spring break this year. We've been snowed under, literally (a foot of the white stuff for Easter) and figuratively (hordes of patrons swarming the stacks). I can feel Holly Golightly slipping today; however, I don't have to do anything tonight but go home, sit on the couch, and write write write write write.

Speaking of writing...

Monday Sparks #4

Create a fantasy "Out of Office" message for your email.

Monday Sparks #3

A fashion magazine editor is headed to a runway show when her cab collides with a hot dog stand.