THIRTEEN MOM-ISMS

Yes, folks, we've all been caught saying/doing things our mothers (or fathers!) did that we swore we never would. I catch myself all the time and can't help laughing--or groaning-- about it.

1. "Good God in Heaven!"
2. "Who do you think you're talking to?"
3. "Sit back down. I'm not through looking at you yet!"
4. The Look of Death. Not only can I make Son cringe, but Sweetheart and the dog too!
5. "Five in your eye!"
6. "Well, shit!"
7. "Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it."
8. The Grab. That perfectly executed, lightning quick snatch of arm/shoulder/hair that results in the immediate arrest of wrongdoing.
9. The Clutch. A life-or-death grab done to furniture/rails/rollover bars when child is teetering on the edge of oblivion (usually directly following "Mom! Watch this!").
10. "You'll go blind sitting that close to the TV."
11. "Your face will freeze that way!"
12. The Whoop. Though I will never achieve my mother's level of perfection, I am formulating my own unique version. (See June 18 blog for a more detailed explanation.)
13. "What did I just say." (Combined with #4, this is especially deadly.)

Feel free to add your own -isms in comments!

What's your favorite thing about Summer?

I have a million, and probably could have made an easy TT out of it. But it's Monday, the sun is shining, and I'm feeling mellow and reflective over here.

What do I like best? Driving around with my windows down and getting my hair all messy. Having my morning coffee on the patio or deck. Hearing the birds sing in the morning. Growing vegetables. Watching the flowers bloom. Napping in a hammock. Having a nice glass of Pinot with my sweetie in the backyard. Sailing.

There's just so many. And with that, here is Monday Sparks #15:

Take one thing you love most about summer and write a scene around it.

Eight things about me (also known as Tag! You're It!)

Yes, folks, Rhonda tagged me this week to reveal eight things about me. So here are eight things about me that I'm sure will amaze, shock, fascinate and delight:

1. I can tell apple trees apart by their bark. (Amazing!)
2. I used to be a dog trainer. (Fascinating!)
3. Once I went for six months without shaving my legs. (Shocking!)
4. I can cook a turkey on an outdoor grill. (Delightful!)
5. I am the only child out of five that my father named. (Fascinating!)
6. I was cracking jokes during labor. (Shocking!)
7. My first favorite song was "Rikki Don't Lose That Number" by Steely Dan. (Delightful!)
8. I can cross my toes. (Amazing!)

Okay, anyone who reads this, consider yourself TAGGED. (muuhahahaaaa!)

THIRTEEN QLD'S

What's a QLD, you ask? Simple. A QLD is a Quality of Life Decision. I think my girlfriend Gina actually coined that phrase when she was fed up with her (now former) in-laws, and it stuck with me. There's a point in everyone's life, I believe, when they start to QLD. Maybe when they get past wanting to impress others; maybe when they recognize their mortality, I don't know. For me it had something to do with turning 40. Where the fear of saying "Hell, NO!" kind of dissipated in the face of age, experience and wisdom. So allow me to share a few I've made; some are silly, some are not. Some are still pending, some are absolute:

1. Since I love eating and like to drink, I must exercise in order to maintain some kind of figure.
2. Though exercise is something I abhor, the fact of the matter is I'm getting older and I need to do it (also, see #1).
3. I have absolutely no desire to learn to skydive, fly an airplane or drive a motorcycle.
4. I'm not a grade-A super duper housekeeper. Deal with it.
5. I will always need a cat in my life. (Or two, or three...)
6. Writing, though a passion, is not a priority. Therefore starting today I'm relegating it to the "Hobby" category. (At least until my next big "ah-ha!" moment comes along...)
7. I really do have better things to do with my time than nag people.
8. Steering clear of work-related drama is always the wiser course.
9. There is no shame whatsoever in keeping a flotation device in hand when in the lake/bay.
10. Recycling is a pain in the ass. I do it anyway.
11. There are certain chores that can always wait for another day. Like vacuuming. Or weeding the garden.
12. There are certain chores that should never wait. Like cleaning the litterbox. Or finding out why your car is suddenly going 'ka-chunk ka-chunk'. (No, not my new car. Just generally speaking here.)
13. I'm going to keep saying "I love you" to my Son no matter how embarrassed he gets.

There's more, of course, lots more. Feel free to share any QLD's you've made!

To be, or Not to be... aka Should I or shouldn't I?

I've had a lifelong love affair with writing. I love imagining, concocting, inventing, twisting. It was my life's ambition when I graduated from high school to have a book in with a publisher by the time I finished college.

That didn't quite work out.

About five years ago I took a serious look at the writing I was doing and said to myself, "Step it up! It's what you want to do, so do it!"

Since then I've written a lot. And tried to juggle life and jobs and grocery shopping and visits to the dentist and family obligations and all that happy crappy. I joined RWA (that club for people who are serious about writing) and took some classes. I've had some amazing ideas, plotted some books that I know would sell, written and revised and laughed and cried and fell in and out of love with my characters and changed perspectives... I've done everything but finish the damn book.

It's frustrating, and I know much of the issue here is self-inflicted. I believe that I am a good writer, and I believe my voice is strong. I want what I write to be good (who doesn't?). While this is admirable, it's also a rut. Add to this a career change into a position that uses my gifts, a job I absolutely love and that actually pays me--but also saps my creative energy--and, well, there you have it: the writing isn't a priority, and it's hanging over me like that little black cloud that followed Andy Capp's pal around in the cartoons. (Or was it in Gasoline Alley? Can't remember.) My imagination is a raging flood; my dedication is a trickle.

I've been giving some serious thought to stopping. To deleting everything I have saved on files, to burning every scrap of paper I've written on. To just quit cold turkey and spend my creativity on other endeavors. Maybe forever. Maybe just for a year, or until Son is out of my hair. I don't know, but the thought is there.

This should be a real wrench, right? I should be banging my head on the keyboard, tearing my hair out, wailing and gnashing my teeth.

I'm not. I'm just sitting here, considering giving up what was my life's ambition without even getting a tear in my eye. I'm just sitting here thinking, "Hey, I could finish that cross-stitch in my sewing basket. I could re-do that bedspread into a quilt. I could sew up that groovy little purse pattern I bought LAST YEAR and never did because writing was supposed to come first."

I don't know what I'm going to do, here. I mean, there's plenty of stuff about writing that I love, but there's also lots of other stuff I could be doing in my spare time. I must give this some more thought; some long consideration before I make any move.

On Driving, and MS #14

Thanks to Robyn --and the Phantom Matrix--I have a blog idea this morning.

I have lots of memories surrounding the summer I learned to drive. Most of them are good, some are pretty funny. I remember my parents had a 1983 Ford LTD, the first brand-new car I can remember them owning. It was a light blue color with that super-fancy white leather-type trim around the back windows. I can remember my mother backing the car out of the garage because I was too scared to attempt it. I can remember just driving forward and backing up along a 100-foot strip of the driveway, over and over, until I felt confident enough to pull up to the front of the house. Then mom said "Okay, put on the brake" and I stepped on the gas.

VROOM! That LTD flew into the yard, straight at a giant maple tree. Mom did her now-infamous whoop (a great noisy sucking in of air) and I ran right into... the birdhouse.

I don't remember the immediate after, except that mom had to back the car back onto the driveway where it belonged and dad had an afternoon's work ahead straightening up that post. But at least I didn't hit the tree, right?

Right.

Anyway, after I got my first accident out of the way, I took to driving reasonably well. My mother perfected her whoops while I perfected my maneuvering skills. Only when I'd gotten all the basics down did dad get in the car. He taught me to parallel park.

Parallel parking is an extremely useful skill; one they don't put much emphasis on anymore at driving school (or so I've heard). Dad took me to the busiest street in town, cars honking all around me and said, "Park it!" followed by "What the hell are you doing?" followed by "Well, the manual's wrong. Turn your wheel this way..."

Thanks to dad, I'm still a kick-ass parallel parker. In fact, I think that's the only reason I passed my driver's test the first time. All my other sibs had to take it twice. (Yeah, I'm cool.)

Anyhow, on to the Monday Sparks, #14:

Setting: A car. A young person learning to drive. A parent in the passenger seat. Tell me what happens.

THIRTEEN THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY NEW CAR


1. It's NEW. No one else owned it before me. Matter of fact I was the first and only one to test drive it and everything.
2. New Car Smell.
3. I picked it out, so I got the car--and color!--I wanted.
4. Brand loyalty: it's a Toyota. A Matrix if you're interested.
5. Color: Phantom Gray Pearl--which when I read it made me think immediately of Scooby Doo. ("Like, it's the Phantom, Scoob!")
6. Keyless entry. Sweet.
7. The dash looks like a race car almost.
8. It's got some giddyup under the hood!
9. The rear seat folds totally flat, and so does the passenger seat. I can carry 2x4's or fly fishing rods if I want to!
10. The hatch glass opens independently of the hatch, so I can reach in for stuff.
11. There's a "cigarette lighter" outlet inside the console as well as on the dash. I can charge with impunity.
12. Daytime running lights. Smart and safe.
13. The dog doesn't have to lie on the seats any more!!

I could go on and on, but I have to go do another round of the New Car Happy Dance with my pimpin' new car.

Bittersweets and Monday Sparks

Well, it's that time of year again. School is out, summer is starting, and Son left yesterday for his long summer visit with his dad. He was excited to go, especially this year because he got to bring one of his school friends along for the first week. I dropped them off at the meeting place, said my goodbyes--not too effusive so as not to embarrass Son, of course--and went on back home.

Part of me is saying "Woo Hoo!" Summer vacation! I can go wherever, do whatever, and not have to be back home to feed him/take him to sports or church or wherever he needs to be (and he always needs to be somewhere). I can walk around the house naked if I want to. I can write without hearing "Mom!" just when I'm getting to the good part.

The other part of me is sad. Son has been doing this summer visit thing since he was seven years old, and I always remember the first time he went away from me: how small he was, how I had to leave him in other hands and go back home, 300 miles away, how he would call just to hear my voice (he still does this), how silent the house was without him. How horrified he was when his aunt dyed his hair yellow and how hard he cried when I came up to visit and saw it (he looked like a dandelion).

I know these next weeks will pass faster than I want, yet not fast enough. I know I'll call him and leave message after message and eventually he'll call back when he's not "busy". I know he'll call on the spur of the moment because he just wants to hear my voice. I know when he comes home he'll still drive me crazy--but he'll be glad to be home, and I'll be glad of it too.

Monday Sparks #13

Write your own bittersweet (fact or fiction).

NEW CAR DANCE

I got a new car! I got a new car! Son says it's "pimpin" so that means I'm cool! Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah! Do that dance!!


(Okay, I'd be doing a happier dance if I could upload a picture but three attempts is my limit. Google and Blogger are simply not cooperating. Must be the blue moon.)

THIRTEEN THINGS I LOVE(D) ABOUT MY OLD CAR


Yes, sports fans, it has come down to the inevitable trade-in. Sweep out the old, ring in the new. I'll be getting a new car either tonight or tomorrow (guess what next week's TT will likely be about?) and I'm waxing sentimental this morning over the old one. After all, it's been my constant companion for over 6 years. So without further ado:

1. It was free. (Oh, Yeah!!)

2. Insurance was cheaper. Always a plus.

3. Leather interior. Sweet.

4. Six cylinders--maybe not the mileage of a four, but what a smooth, quiet ride!

5. Air Conditioning. No more blazing hot seats!

6. Power. When I stepped on the gas that baby giddy-upped!!

7. Serious comfort--road trips were almost a pleasure.

8. CD player. No more tape-making (hooray!).

9. It handled great! Very responsive; saved me from certain accident more than once!

10. Reasonably low maintenance costs.

11. Still had trade value despite age and miles.

12. It's a Toyota, which means: ALWAYS started, ALWAYS ran, and...

13. 195,240 miles--and still going! What a great car!

Monday Sparks #12

It's the last day of school! Describe impressions of either a) the bus driver, b) the retiring teacher, c) the old man who lives along the main route home from school, or d) the "wallflower" finally escaping for the summer.

Looks like it's going to be a hot one again today. Woo hoo! Now, it's off to work again for me--unfortunately I don't get summer vacation...

THIRTEEN SUMMER THINGS I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO


Don't get me wrong, here. I love summer. It's a righteous time of year and the older I get the more I appreciate the warmth! However, there are some things that stray on the side of annoying, scary, or just plain oogy:

1. Guys with open shirts, gold chains and mirrored sunglasses driving convertible Corvettes--like they're Sonny Crockett instead of Al Bundy.

2. Guys with no shirts on who REALLY NEED TO KEEP THEIR SHIRTS ON.

3. Mosquitoes.

4. Wasps--something about those dangly legs gives me the shudders.

5. Sweat.

6. Bathing suits that don't fit properly. We've all seen this, and it ain't pretty.

7. Thong undies that show above the waist of shorts/skirts--for some reason Sweetheart thinks this is sexy and I simply cannot agree. It's underwear. It's SUPPOSED to be UNDER.

8. High heels with Daisy Duke shorts. Only Daisy Duke can pull this off; everyone else needs to quit it.

9. Jet Skis. Especially that "Winga-winga-winga" noise they make. I know I'll get flack for this, but hey--I'm a sailor.

10. Idiots who a) think a boat is just a car without wheels, b) drive said boat like maniacs, and c) think that anchor setting is like throwing the discus in the Olympics.

11. No matter what I do, my lawn dies about mid-July and doesn't recover until the following April.

12. Maggots in the garbage. Ack.

13. Having to work when it seems the rest of the world is on vacation!!

PS: Yes, I realize I'm TT-ing on a Friday. Better late than never!