Just the Same Old Same-Old

The first time I ever saw that strange and mystifying phenomenon known as Cover Art Repeat (hereafter referred to as CAR) I was watching "Romancing the Stone" and on the wall behind a furiously typing Joan Wilder was a cover art poster of "her" novel, previously enjoyed by Johanna Lindsey (pretty sure Fabio was on it).

Since then CARs have popped up regularly on my Romance Radar; some good, some simply awful. And despite how many repeats I've seen, I've had trouble finding them out on the Merry Olde Internet. Feel free to share any CARs you know; I'd like to do another, better one of these down the road. Thanks!
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This is the inside cover art from "Maiden of Inverness" by the late great Arnette Lamb. (Sorry it's so small; couldn't find anything larger.)
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Flip that negative, wave your magic wand and you get...
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Ta-Da! The lady in green!

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The next few aren't exact, but the models are definitely the same (Robyn, how did you get your picture quality to be so good? Mine sucks!).
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Feathers up...
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Feathers down...

(and one weird back-muscle crease)

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No feathers! Just two weird back creases!

(And just for kicks, that lovely pink gown made a comeback as well.)


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Happy Monday!

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THIRTEEN HALLOWEEN MEMORIES

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In honor of this most auspicious, fun, silly, candy-glutting day, I've decided to share some memories with you. Halloween of my youth was far different than today and, like so many other things, I miss how it used to be.

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1. My earliest memory of Halloween is of my dad making me a "scary" mask out of a paper plate and attaching it with a piece of string. This was my entire costume. High tech, for sure.

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2. I'm old enough to remember getting apples as "treats" for Halloween, before that stupid razor blade scare. And since we lived on an apple farm we always, always gave out an apple to each child with their candy every year, no matter what.

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3. I remember going to my Grampa Joe's house on Halloween. He lived in town, which was the end all be all for us country kids. And his house was a fine jumping-off point for a night's adventure.

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4. I remember it felt like we roamed the streets forever--I don't think there was an official "time" for trick-or-treating like there is today. You just went and went until you were tired, or got called in.

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5. There weren't many "bought" costumes when I was a kid, and there weren't many cute ones either. Halloween was all about scary stuff, like witches, ghosts, skeletons and Frankenstein. Frankly, I think society has gone way overboard on the "cute" and Halloween has lost a lot of its character. (I could fill a whole blog pontificating about this but I'll just stop right here.)

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6. In college, it was a "tradition" in our neighborhood for the students to get dressed up and go trick-or-treating--and the houses around the college handed out dixie cups with wine and other drinks as "treats." Oh, happy day.

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7. There was one spooky house in town, right around the corner from Grampa Joe's house. It was a Beacon Hill Victorian style with the mansard roof and the high "widow's watch" tower on one side. The owners would put a single candle in each window. Simple, and seriously creepy on a dark night.

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8. Few people went all-out for Halloween, not like they do today anyway. But I do remember one house where they draped the spiders web stuff and had a ghost on a wire that flew down and scary music... I didn't go anywhere near that place.

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9. Another dad memory: First off, understand that my dad not only talks kind of loud and booming, but he's got one of those larger-than-life auras. Okay. Now. Dad was the official candy hander-outer at Grampa Joe's. He'd open the door and "WELL! WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?" and some kids would be okay with that and other kids would cry and run away. One Halloween he opened the door and boomed out his welcome and this little kid dropped his candy bag and it spilled all over the place and he started crying... well, Mr. Loud turned into a total marshmallow. He put all the kid's candy back in the bag for him, talked real nice and quiet the whole time... it was so sweet. Totally unlike him ordinarily.

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10. I remember my cousin Carolyn being a "Rich Witch" one year. Take your standard witch costume and doll it up with LOTS of jewelry, feather boas, etc...

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11. My favorite costume: The Holy Ghost. Easy, practical and ventilated.

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12. Best scary movie ever: John Carpenter's Halloween. I still get totally creeped out by this.

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13. Best Halloween TV show: It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! (I can hear Sally Brown's lament loud and clear: "I waited all night and all that came was a BEAGLE! I demand restitution!")

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Have fun next Wednesday, everyone. And remember: too much candy WILL make you puke.

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Halloween Fun

It's getting close to that time again. That spooky night when little urchins throng in the streets, holding their bags out and demanding candy from us poor, hapless homeowners. It doesn't seem fair, does it? After all, we're the ones who work hard all day--shouldn't these kids be bringing us candy instead of the other way around?

Regardless, I intend to make some fun this Halloween and decorate my pumpkin like this:

http://www.extremepumpkins.com/legeatpum.html

and perhaps the yard like this:

http://www.extremepumpkins.com/terpumonmyla.html

and add this charming tableau to my driveway:

http://www.extremepumpkins.com/myfavpumsube.html

and maybe, just maybe, I'll turn my leftover candy corn into art:

http://www.extremepumpkins.com/3bagofcancor.html

And of course, while I'm waiting for the little buggers to show up, I can play some fun Halloween games:

Cat Bowling

Halloween Hangman

Yep, I'm all set. How about you?
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Your Love Is Killing Me, Baby

Okay, some of you may look at these novels and think, "Oh, how passionate!" I look at them and think, "Oh, broken neck!"

He might look like he's kissing her, but he's really checking for a pulse!

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"OWWW!"

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Bummer for her; she got killed twice! But at least in this one she doesn't have that stupid blonde wig on.
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Not only the odd angle, but her neck is really thick.

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"Wake up, Heather, wake up!!!"

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You don't need to hold her down, Mr. Brit. She's already dead.

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Happy Monday!

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THIRTEEN STEPS ON THE LADDER OF PAIN

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Yes, your Humble Servant has been in a world of pain these last few days. Dental Surgery. Ow. Owwwwwwww I say! So for your consideration I list below some painful moments in life that we all know and love:

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1. Hangnails. I personally get the super hangnails that grow under my fingernails and need to be dug out and clipped. It's a joy, truly.

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2. Paper cuts. Especially when you get one way down on the web between your fingers.

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3. Stubbing your toe. I have literally seen stars afterward.

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4. Bumping your head. This can range from mildly annoying to flat-out unconscious.

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5. Whacking your funny bone. It ain't humerus, folks (har har har).

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6. Waking up with a stiff neck. God, I hate that, and the stupid thing'll last all day.

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7. Taking a hit in the eye. Now, I've never been punched by anyone, but I have managed to punch myself (it's a long story), and managed to put my eye in the way of several flying objects.

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8. Biting your lip/inside of your cheek. Inevitably, you'll bite it again, and again, and again...

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9. Earache. Shudder.

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10. Hitting your pubic bone. Talk about wanting to throw up from pain.

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11. Toothache/Dental Surgery. Nothing wears you out like pain in your mouth. It totally, completely, absolutely SUCKS.

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12. Serrated knife cuts. Double your pleasure, double your fun! Get blood everywhere and shred your flesh while you're at it!

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13. Childbirth. Oy. (Yes, my little bundle of joy was worth it but it hurt like a mother!)

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The word of the day is commiserate! Share your pain with me, people!

Sweet Embraceable You (The Impossible Edition)

Yes, our heroes and their ladies fair get tangled up in some pretty funky positions! But they scoff at back pain, laugh at muscle strain because passion will not be denied. (And besides, they can always stop at the chiropractor's on the way home...)






The "From Here To Eternity" balancing embrace


I've done these side-crunches before. I've never been able to hold one longer than 2.3 seconds.

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The "From Here To Eternity" sand lounging embrace


Okay, everyone knows this one: sand + sea grass + saltwater = itching, twitching, rash and regret.

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The Barnum & Bailey strongman embrace


How in hades is he holding her up? Where is his other arm exactly?

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The Cosmo Cleavage Connection embrace


Your vote counts! Study the picture closely and decide: Rapture or agony?


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The Cosmo Collision Course embrace


Differs from the Cleavage Connection by specific hand placement and the ability of the hero to shoulder-dodge.
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Happy Monday!!

THIRTEEN STRANGE-BUT-TRUE HEROINE NAMES

What's in a name? At best, it makes a story flow like a hot knife through butter. At worst it packs enough of a weird wallop to dump me right out of the story! I realize I may be treading on thin ice here; some of these girls may be your favorites, and some of these stories were exceptionally written. And yes, though I can't remember every author/title I have read each one of the books these heroines are featured in, cringing at the name every time it comes up.

1. Iphiginia. (Amanda Quick)

2. Bettina. (Johanna Lindsey)

3. Alpin. (Arnette Lamb)

4. Shanna. (Kathleen Woodiwiss)

5. Dulcie. (Day Taylor)

6. Concordia. (Amanda Quick)

7. Margot. (Mary Jo Putney)

8. Fanny. (?)

9. Tedra. (Johanna Lindsey)

10. Meridene. (Arnette Lamb)

11. Prudence. (Amanda Quick)

12. Georgina. (Johanna Lindsey)

13. Belle. (?)

Feel free to add your strange-but-true's! Love your comments!

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Form Letter Flashbacks

This morning over at Romancing The Blog there's a post on rejection letters and whether or not they should be personal (including critique) or general (form-type).

So I'm reading the post, thinking about commenting, when I get a total blast from the past in my poor little brain.

Novelty Form Letters.

Does anyone else remember these? They were a flash in the pan, sold at card shops and variety stores many years ago (I think I was ten or so) on revolving racks. They were on heavy card stock, trifold, and usually colorfully decorated on the outside. There was even a spot for a stamp if you wanted to mail them. There was a letter for just about any circumstance--letters to friends, letters to people you had crushes on, etc... and for just about any event--Valentine's Day, Halloween, whatever. They went something like this:

Dear _____________:

How are you? I am __a: fine and dandy __b: sick as a dog __c: lousy! The weather here is __a: sunny __b: cloudy with a chance of showers __c: blizzarding and fifty below.

Obviously, the ones they sold were a bit more cleverly worded, and there were some way goofy answers, of course, but you get the idea. Anyhow, the whole letter was like that, and you could pick your answers, sign your name and send it off to whomever.

Wow. I haven't thought about those in ages. Does anyone else remember them? Does anyone own one? Share!

Yes, I'm a little early with the Monday post. But I won't be around tomorrow, and I just couldn't leave you all in the lurch. Enjoy!
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Just Call Me...





Edward Scissorhands

(just a little off the top, darling...)

David Copperfield

(nothing up my sleeve, but check out my pants!)

Billy Ray Cyrus

(this proves once and for all that mullets have a long and distinguished place in hairstyle history...)

















Zombie Lover from 'Night of the Living Dead'

(...he's coming for you, Charlotte...)

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Fembot. Or maybe She-Man.

(I feel pretty, oh so pretty...)

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Captain Morgan.

(okay, he's cute enough to make me a drink.)

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Loser (pronounced la-hoo-zuh-her, Ace Ventura style)

(not only did she give him a shiner, but she torched his chest hair!)

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Ass Man

(yes, I know it's shadows, but damn! it's huge!)

Happy Monday!
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THIRTEEN ITEMS THAT WILL MAKE MY CHRISTMAS LIST

Yes folks, those gods of shopping, Neiman Marcus, have released their christmas catalog at last. This year marks their hundredth anniversary, and to celebrate they've pulled out all the stops with a fantasy collection sure to please even the pickiest person on your list. If any of you all are feeling especially flush in the pockets this year, feel free to make my christmas dreams come true with any of the following:

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1. A 30-foot long dragon topiary with blown glass eyeballs, gold claws and horns. $35,000. Be the envy of all the neighborhood kids and the bane of all the neighborhood adults at the same time!!!

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2. His and hers double portrait, done in chocolate syrup. $110,000. I'm not kidding. I could probably get me a bottle of Hershey's down at Giant Eagle and do the same for about $3.95, but that's beside the point.

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3. Tree tent by Dre' Wapenaar, $50,000. I totally don't get this one. It looks like a green bag hanging in a pine tree.

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4. Papalotzin Ultralight, $80,000. Fly everywhere! And annoy your neighbors again with that high-pitched engine whine!

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5. Classical Superstars Fantasy Concert hosted by Regis Philbin, $1,590,000. Don't get me wrong here, I like classical music. But I can't stand Regis Philbin.

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6. NM Gem Triton 1000 Submarine, $1,440,000. I'm sure if I think about it long enough, I'll figure out a reason why I need this.

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7. Swami Conversational Robot, $75,000. Ideal for those who have no one else to talk to. But I think I'd get paranoid that he'd take on a sinister life of his own...

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8. "Diamond in the Rough" custom necklace, starting at $1,000,000. This is some obscene carat weight, and yes, it's a diamond, but it's ugly. Period.

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9. Vertu Diamond Phone, $73,000. Makes my Motorola look like a big piece of crap.

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10. NM Exclusive Lexus Sedan, $68,000. It's nice, but everyone knows a Lexus is just a jumped-up Toyota. Maybe I can trick out my Matrix instead.

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11. Rocket Racing League Franchise, $2,000,000. Everyone should own a sports team once in their life.

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12. Media Wall, starting at $100,000. If you've read/seen Fahrenheit 451, you should be very scared right now.

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13. World Peace. No, NM doesn't offer this, but considering everything today, it seems just as impractical as the Rocket League or Mr. Swami.

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Happy almost-Holidays!

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Tuesday in WTF? Land

--Tickets to this fall's Miley Cyrus concerts (Hannah Montana) have been reported to resell at up to $2,500 apiece. (!!)

--I had a mother this morning leave her toddler alone in the movie stacks while she went to grab her car keys out of another room, around the corner, completely out of sight.

--Kids today actually believe that they are allowed to interrupt you mid-sentence (mid-word, for God's sake!) just because they say "Excuse me."

--At a middle school in Illinois, hugging is no longer allowed.

--At another school in Illinois, administration set aside a section of the lunchroom for Muslim students to pray in during Ramadan. Umm... separation of church and state, anyone?

--A 50-something woman recently gave birth to her daughter's twins. Would she be their grammamama?

Horse Riding 101 for Romance Novel Heroines

Course Description: Horse Riding 101 gives aspiring heroines tips on mounting & dismounting a bucking horse, proper grip, and how to remove horsehair from your gown! We also offer a 90-minute bonus seminar on saddle sores, trampled toes and horse bites for an additional $10 fee.






Kayla is demonstrating the KMYF (kiss me, you fool) neck arch combined with proper dress hiking etiquette covered in "Posture and Position", Chapter 4.












Shawna is demonstrating the highly effective, tricky and ticklish Upper Thigh Clamp from "What's Your Grip?", Chapter 7.












Maura shows how to keep your gown free of the hooves while being swept away ("Mount Like A Pro", chapter 1).

Lana reminds us here of that most important riding tip: Always keep your skirts ABOVE the tail, not below!! ("Skirt Chasing", chapter 6).

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Happy Monday!