THIRTEEN FAVORITE BOOKS FROM MY KIDHOOD

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1. If I Ran The Circus--Dr. Seuss. The copy actually belonged to my sister, but I would sneak it away over and over again just to look at the pictures and read those crazy words.

2. Frederick--Leo Lionni. My mother got me this book for Christmas (I think) one year. It's lovely and has a nice message behind it about everyone having a gift to give.

3. Go, Dog, Go!--PD Eastman. "Do you like my hat?" "I do not like it!" "Goodbye then!" "Goodbye!" I loved those dogs!!

4. Beezus And Ramona--Beverly Cleary. I seriously identified with Ramona.

5. Harriet The Spy--Louise Fitzhugh. I tried keeping a notebook for a while, but it fizzled.

6. The Bike Lesson--Stan & Jan Berenstain. I can't say enough about this one. Love it. Love it. Papa Bear does maneuvers on that bike that will turn your hair white.

7. Horton Hatches The Egg--Dr. Seuss. "I meant what I said and I said what I meant: An elephant's faithful, one hundred percent!" Horton rocks.

8. The Wednesday Witch--Ruth Chew. A fun little story about a girl, a witch who rides a vacuum cleaner named James, and a shrinking potion.

9. Little House Series--Laura Ingalls Wilder. Loved them all. I think my favorite was probably On The Banks of Plum Creek.

10. Nancy Drew--Carolyn Keene. The original hardcovers, of course. My favorite was probably The Secret of Shadow Ranch, but they all were just good reads.

11. Charlotte's Web--EB White. I still get all misty when Charlotte dies.

12. A Child's Life In Tale And Fable--This is a children's primer published in 1908 I got from my grandma's house. It has the original Little Red Riding Hood where she gets eaten by the wolf and the hunstman chops her out. (Excellent.)

13. Little Golden Books--How can I pick one favorite? There was the poky puppy, Scuffy, Tootle... oh, such friends in those books.

What are some of your faves? Share!

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JUST CALL ME UNANOINTED

The lovely and incredibly talented Bernita has a most interesting and thought-provoking blog up this morning about writing contests. And the inevitable grumbling that will occur when, due to misguided self-importance, a writer believes that he or she "should have" won said contest hands down, OR she/he will snark about "pros" (published authors) vs. "amateurs" (the unwashed and unanointed) and so on and so on and so on...

Okay, here's the thing. If a contest is open to everyone, it's open to everyone--good, bad and ugly. Being published doesn't make you automatically better/a winner/more worthy than those who are not. It just makes you published. Likewise being unpublished doesn't mean your writing deserves more of a chance than Joe Author's because he's already "made it." You're taking the same chances, facing the same rejections. You're all swimming in the same pool and the angler's in charge and he/she is only fishing ONE of you out. That one is their choice. Hopefully the best choice, but still regardless of everything, their choice. And sure, a contest holder could decide to award the prize to Nora Roberts because she's Nora Roberts, for godsakes, even if her entry totally sucked. It might not seem fair, but it is the contest holder's choice in the end. Bitching about it only paints you a poor sport--seriously, you look like a total schmuck-loser-crybaby. Get over yourself already.

One more note before I sign off: Aside from the literal interpretations of "pro" (someone who makes their primary living from their profession) vs. "amateur" (someone who doesn't, at least not yet) I don't like those designations. "Pro" brings to mind tweed jackets with elbow patches and pipe smoking and all seriousness--"I'm a writer, you cretin. Step aside." While "amateur" speaks to me negatively: "I'm just doing this for fun!" I think I'd rather not be categorized at all. I write because I need to. I'm not published. I may never be. But I'm still going to write my stories and agonize over the details and the editing and the plot and desperately try to ignore my inner demons (does this sound like fun?) and wish I was as cool as Nora. It's who I am.

And now, I'll take my unwashed self to the showers. Thanks for stopping by!

I MUST... EMBRACE YOU!

She: Dang it! I left my petticoat, slip, chemise, hose and shoes back at the ranch! I wonder if he'll notice...

He: Shucks! She ain't got no drawers on! Score!!

He: I must hold you! Claim you! Take you now!

She: F--ing bee-yotch has a bigger necklace than mine! WTF??

He: Man, I just love taking fiery captive princess-types on the deck of my ship. Hope she doesn't think my blade is my sword, heh heh...

She: I wonder who's driving the boat?

Happy Monday!

THIRTEEN THINGS I DON'T KNOW, AND PROBABLY (in some cases) DON'T WANT TO KNOW

1. How many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.

2. Why once you take a dresser drawer out of the dresser, it never goes back in quite the same way. (or breaks completely, which is even more fun.)

3. Why once you stub a toe, you always seem to stub that same toe every time thereafter. (mine is the middle toe on the right foot.)

4. How come when I get a song stuck in my head it's usually one I don't like very much. ("Lord, we don't need another rainbow, there are rainbows, and blahdeblahs and what the world needs now is love sweet love" GAHHH!)

5. Exactly how many calories are in Rally's/Checkers french fries. If you don't have this fast food joint near you, may I just say I'm really sorry about that, but--more fries for me!

6. Where dust comes from.

7. Whether or not William Shakespeare really wrote all his own stuff. (it's good. who cares?)

8. Why Son can't seem to get laundry in the hamper. It's always right next to it. (I think it's genetic, but not from my side of the family.)

9. HTML.

10. Why punks can spike their pink hair to the sky, but I cannot, even with ten gallons of hairspray and a glue gun, keep my hair in a style for more than 30 minutes.

11. Why I was blessed with weak ankles--and still shop for, try on and buy high heels.

12. How come God invented hangnails, paper cuts and acne.

13. Why, when I need just one more item for my TT, I can't think of one!! Arrgh!

Have a lovely day, folks.

LOVE'S AMBUSH

I've had this cover for a while and I'm still trying to figure it out. Any ideas?

Happy Monday!

THIRTEEN THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY NEW HOME

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Yes, it's official. My mortgage was approved and I will be "movin' on up" within a few weeks! Hooray for me! Hooray for the house! And all that good stuff. So, in honor of good old Saint Valentine, I've decided to do a nice TT today about my house rather than, considering current circumstances, my opinions on V-day. So the following presents a list of stuff I love about my new, soon-to-be-all-mine house:

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1. It's got hardwood floors. They need a little TLC, but nothing I can't handle.

2. It's on a quiet street. Nowhere near as busy as the street where I live now, and they repaved it just last year. Woo hoo!

3. It's conveniently located to school (3 blocks) and Son's Tae Kwon Do (at the end of the street). I can even walk to the grocery store (2 blocks), go to a bar (across from the TKD studio), or run for my life to the police station (located on the street behind me).

4. All the major stuff is relatively new. Don't have to worry about pesky stuff like, say, the hot water heater exploding and taking out the heater and causing a gas leak that sets the whole 'hood on fire...

5. Central air. Oh yeah, baby. Considering the house was built in the 50's, having central air is like winning the lottery around here.

6. It still has some of the 50's retro charm. Like the bathroom still has pink and black tiled walls, mint condition. Arched doorways and a couple of pocket doors. And a lovely teal formica countertop in the kitchen.

7. All appliances included. Joy! Rapture! Even a washer and dryer! And a lawnmower in the garage(which may or may not run, but my dad says he'll "tinker" with it when he visits).

8. Oh yes! A 2-car garage! Yippee! Parking and storage!

9. A bath and a half. Another lottery-winning moment.

10. A full basement. Part of it is even finished.

11. A laundry chute. How cute is that?

12. A nice driveway with a turnaround spot and no storm sewer drain at the bottom (thank goodness).

13. It's all mine. No ghosts of ex wives, or having to check with him before I do something. And I don't ever have to move again if I don't want to.

(insert the theme music from "The Jeffersons" here)

Aww, isn't that great to know??

53%

But this one is even better!!

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ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT BOOBIES

That there's some cleavage, folks!

I think he's actually scared of them!

Sorry, Connie... it looks more like a butt crack to me...

Joe Pirate better watch out--she's ready to blow!

Happy Monday, all!

THIRTEEN RANDOM FACTOIDS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME

(or maybe you already do, or don't want to know! too bad! moo-ha-ha-haaa!!)

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1. I can drive a tractor. And I'm not bad at it.

2. I used to be a dog trainer. Hunting Labradors. My own dog is from the "reject" pile at that establishment (gun shy).

3. My favorite libation is a gin & tonic. Tangueray, and fresh tonic that is still fizzy with a squirt of lime over the rocks then a shot of lemon at the end is the best way (does that sound a little OCD?).

4. I have ridden a camel, in Egypt, at the Giza Pyramids. He spit on me when I dismounted.

5. I do my Sunday crosswords in ink. I even finished one once without cheating!

6. I get paid to jump around, sing, dance and act silly. It's awesome.

7. I've attempted roller skating, skateboarding, snowboarding, skiing, ice skating, pogo sticking and unicycling. I've only succeeded at one.

8. I haven't kept official track, but on average I read 1-2 books every week.

9. My favorite season is fall.

10. I have a small chicken pox scar on my cheek. My mother says that when I had them, that spot was as big as my whole cheek. (thank god it didn't scar that big!)

11. One of the most stressful sounds in the world for me is babies crying. I alternate between "poor baby" and "shut it up now".

12. I love to birdwatch, and could spend hours looking at horses. However, I never would want to have either as a pet. Give me cats or dogs.

13. I absolutely loathe when people snap their fingers to get attention. Makes me want to bite those offending digits right off.

Are you asleep yet? If not, tell me something about you that I don't know in the comments section! (and as for #7: skiing, believe it or not!)

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(Sorry I missed youall yesterday; was out of town. But now... I'm baaacck...)

MOOBS ON PARADE

Yes, folks, we've been inundated over the years with those bare, muscled, shirt-ripped-open chests in all their manly glory...

...or could it be girly glory? Look at the size of them!

He's got some serious protrudence going on there. And, if you look closely, his nip is clearly outlined against the lily-white of her blouse...ick.

She may love him, but she'll never forgive him for having better ones than her.

Okay, he's got cleavage and everything! What did she get besides a droopy neckline and a nymph frolicking in the poison ivy? Nothing, that's what!

Happy Tuesday, all!