Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Books in the Self-Help Section

I work in a library part time, and part of my responsibilities is the self-help section. I thought I'd share some of my favorite titles today.

ANGER BUSTING 101... okay, now you have to go to college to get angry.

HOW TO CHANGE ANYBODY... since the general consensus is, and has been for the last million years that people don't change, I wouldn't recommend this one.

INSTANT SELF-HYPNOSIS... is this a skill I really need? I'm in la-la land enough as it is!

WHAT FLAVOR IS YOUR PERSONALITY?... umm... butter pecan? How the f*** should I know??

I'M OKAY, YOU'RE A BRAT... the hands-down favorite of sibling rivals everywhere

AUTHENTIC HAPPINESS... funny, I always thought my happiness was authentic, until I saw that book. Maybe I've just been screwing it up all this time.

YESTERDAY, I CRIED... well, good for you! But do I need to read about it???

HOW DID I GET HERE?... hell, if you don't know, why would I buy your stupid book?

YOUR MIND KNOWS MORE THAN YOU DO... every time I try to think about the real meaning of this title I have a meltdown.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU TALK TO YOUR SELF... you're kidding, right? I talk to myself all the frickin' time! I don't need instructions!

THE LAST SELF HELP BOOK YOU'LL EVER NEED... if this title were true, self-help publishing would be defunct.

HOW TO RUIN YOUR LIFE... no, I'm not kidding, it's actually out there.

HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU... if I have to make someone like me, I'm not sure I really want them to.

HOW TO BE A PEOPLE MAGNET... I think I've seen a similar book in the physics section.

WHY DO I NEED YOU TO LOVE ME IN ORDER TO LIKE MYSELF?... seriously, if you're asking questions like this, you should put down the book and let the professionals take over.

THE BOOK OF NO... I should have written this; I excel at saying no.

NEVER BE LIED TO AGAIN... until the next time some lying liar lies to you.

WHY CAN'T YOU SHUT UP?... this is an actual title. And on that note, I think I'll shut up for now.

1 Comment:

spy scribbler said...

ROFLMAO! That's hilarious! Self help books are fun (and funny, sometimes!).