THIRTEEN MOM a/o DAD -ISMS

When I was growing up, back in the good old days before cable, internet and cell phones, mom and dad seemed to have advice/a saying for just about everything. Being a good daughter, I have made every effort to pass these on to my son, who will hopefully pass them on to his children, and so on and so on... It's part of my eeeevil plan to live forever.

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1. "Are you waiting for the second coming?" Usually employed when we were standing with the fridge door open, air-conditioning the entire house.

2. "You want something to cry about, I'll give you something to cry about." The never fail-cure for making tears dry up fast.

3. "Good God In Heaven!" Mom's personal fave--with 5 kids, she said it ALOT.

4. "You dumb clunk!" Depending on how stupidly we behaved (like, say, practically running dad over with the tractor), each kid took turns being the "Clunk".

5. "That which is concealed is far more attractive than that which is obvious." Priceless advice with regards to modesty--4 girls and not one hoochie in the bunch.

6. "You will get your reward in the next world." I sure hope so, 'cause I got a lot of these racked up.

7. "I feel for you, but I can't reach you." The looks I get when I use this one on Son are hilarious.

8. "You're all right!" Pretty much any injury fell into this category.

9. "Do I need to cut it off?" This question, delivered with the utmost sincerity, will usually dry up tears. If not, refer to #2.

10. "If the road behind looks better than the road ahead, you better not go down it." Priceless advice from dad regarding marriage.

11. "Go ask your mother." Oh yes. It's a classic.

12. "When your father gets home..." You never wanted to hear this in my house.

13. "Don't become a statistic!" Dad's personal fave, especially useful when we were driving the car out the driveway.

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I may add more as the day goes on. Happy day!