"Not Tonight, Honey... "

"Man, I could really go for some tea and crumpets! Or maybe a haunch of buffalo! Why doesn't he shut up already?"

Rebel's charms apparently don't extend to keeping Rogue awake...

"I'm far more interested in my roses than in you sucking my eyebrow. Sorry..."


"I'll just stand here like a mannequin. That'll turn him on!"

"You are wrinkling my gown with your clumsy man hand! Get... it...OFF!"

"Sigh... the old kiss-on-the-jaw trick... could he be any less imaginative?"

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Happy Monday, all!

What no romance heroine in her right mind wants to find under her Christmas tree:

(but... all I wanted was a pony!)

Happy Monday, and Merry Christmas!!

'Tis the season... to... huh?

The following covers came up under "Christmas Romance" and I'm still scratching my head.

Okay, the green thingy might be a last-minute airbrushed piece of mistletoe. But sorry, Texas Hold-em doesn't qualify as "Christmassy" unless... umm... It just doesn't. (PS: Does that guy look like Barry Manilow to you?)

Sure, there's a tree. But where are the warm fuzzies? Instead of "holly jolly" I sense more "It's gonna blow! Get down quick!"

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I need help here(that title is asking for a good snark, for one!). Not only with trying to figure out how this relates to Christmas, but also whether or not the boy on the left has had his toes cut off in a freak farming accident or he's a victim of foot binding.
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12:45 pm: Doorstep Daddy... why is he on the doorstep? Did he lose his key? Is he not welcome inside? Did he and Back Porch Mommy have a little fight? Does the freaky foot-bound child have anything to do with him being on the doorstep? Inquiring minds want to know!
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Christmas? Valentine's Day? Either? Neither? Both? This guy reminds me of that assistant cop to McGarrett on Hawaii 5-0 (now who's old and dated?).
And what's with the safety pin through the heart near the bottom?
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Happy Monday, folks.
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WHAT NOT TO DO AT THE OFFICE HOLIDAY PARTY

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Drink and confess...

Never spill your guts to a co-worker at the company party. Dave from Accounting looks like he'd rather be boiled in oil than listen to any more of Suzie's "confession".

Wear a Santa hat...

Everybody knows most hats are mistakes. Not only could you risk being made fun of for months, but you could end up engaged to Rita from Admin. after a few too many eggnogs.


Get busy during the gift exchange...


Okay, listen up. The point of "Secret Santa" is the SECRET part. And besides, who's going to want to unwrap those now after you two rolled around in them?

Take your coworker home...

First you've got to pay the babysitter, then get the little angel in bed, then die from embarrassment when she says, "I thought Joe from PR was my daddy!"

Happy Monday, all. And a request, if I may: Have you read any holiday-theme romances? Have you read any good ones? I have yet to find a good one, so share 'em if you've got 'em!

THEY'D BEEN DRINKING TOO MUCH EGGNOG...

Warning: consumption of too much 'Christmas Cheer' can lead you to believe that wrapping yourself up as a present is a good idea.

It can also lead to clothing loss...

Bathtub misunderstandings with four-legged creatures...


...and a hangover that lasts at least eighteen years.
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Happy Monday!

CLASSIC CLINCH

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Morning, all! I'm dead beat from driving for 5 hours last night and not up to my usual rude, battering ways in the romance arena. So today I thought we'd discuss the classics--those oldies but goodies, complete with all their 'taboo' subjects and utter weirdness that for whatever reason hooked us for life.

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Do you remember your first time? The thrill of the "forbidden", the rising tension, the uncontrollable passion... hey! I'm talking BOOKS here, not that other nonsense!

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Seriously, though, my first dive into romantic fiction was a book titled "Liliane" by Annabel Erwin. Late 1700's setting in Colonial America complete with a fox hunt, balls, a slave revolt, long gazes over the wine goblets, several kissing scenes(but not actual sex) and...sibling incest. Even though I knew it, I still shuddered when Lili caught Andrew & Mary in a passionate midnight embrace(ick!).

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The first 'sexy' book I read was "Captive Bride" by Johanna Lindsey. Granted, poor Philip had to basically rape Christina the first few times but, looking back on this particular story--as well as "A Pirates Love" and "Fires of Winter"--she (along with Bettina and Brenna from the other two titles) was a shrewish, uptight bitch living in denial central until they fell in love. I know, it was the way romance worked back then.

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Anyone else besides me read the Rosemary Rogers title above? Poor Steve and Ginny. They had to suffer through 3 books, multiple partners, misunderstanding after misunderstanding... it was almost like a season of "24"! I think I read the whole first one, got about halfway through the second (about to the point where Ginny gets raped by some greasy captain of the guards and still gets aroused in spite of herself--eeuww!) and just skipped around the third, impatient for it to be over with already.

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And how about the trials and pitfalls of Marietta, the governess turned indentured servant turned sex slave turned casino dealer turned renegade turned lady's companion turned... etc, etc, from "Love's Tender Fury" series? I loved Marietta, and I was especially glad when she chose Jeremy in the end of it all rather than that stuck-on-himself plantation owner dude (can't remember his name). Though, to be fair, the pirate captain was pretty cool too.

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Last for this entry, but certainly not least stands "A Rose In Winter" by the late great Kathleen Woodiwiss. People will argue forever about their favorie Woodiwiss title--my sister simply adored "Shanna" but I could not get into it, for example--but this one is mine, hands down. I can remember still the first time I read this great Beauty and Beast takeoff--and being just a teeny bit disappointed that the mysterious masked lord of the manor turned out to be Christopher after all. Oh, I liked him and everything, but I really wanted Erienne to be with mystery dude forever. He was way cooler.

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So today, dig those old titles out of the attic and share! What were your favorites?

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Happy Monday!

Love, Terminated (Part 2)

Well, I loved those "strong scary types" from last week so much I decided to keep the love flowing and do another posting!

(Actually, I was scared if I didn't include them all they'd hunt me down and kill me...gulp)

Yes, the Magnate Terminator is baacck...

"Only I, with my superstar studmuffin pout, could pull off this shade of purple. See how this woman admires me? Admit it, you are jealous of my skills!"

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(...and again! He sure is popular!)

"With my pouty lips I am far too sexy to share the cover with a mere woman! Bow to me! Bow to me now!!!"
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"The blonde bitch didn't sign the pre-nup. So I offed her and took up with this comatose redhead, here. Give her enough Valium and she'll do anything I want."
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"You--are--in--my--power! You will do the Macarena, the Chicken Dance, and the Electric Slide at the reception!"

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And, just to be fair, let's flip that love coin over to the female side:

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Just as the blades of the scissors plunged to the hilt he gazed into her blank eyes and realized Georgia was far, far more than a mere mannequin...
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Return of the Terminators

He came baaaack, all right, and infected a whole legion of cover models! Thanks to the lovely Robyn (all hail R! all hail R!), for pointing out these covers to me--without your timely warning, the world would soon be in romantic shambles!

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The Boss Terminator

Robyn said if this dude demanded more than a file or some coffee, she was outta there, and I must agree.


...of course, being the secretary to the Antichrist must have some perks, right? Maybe she stayed for the dental plan and couldn't help falling in love.






The Magnate Terminator


"You vill taaake dis riiing! You vill puuut it ooon! Do vhat I saaay or I crush yooouu!"

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The Millionaire Terminator

He's calculating, all right. Tax tables and year-end forecasts. He could not look any less interested in making babies with sweetie pie, here.


And for real, what is up with the gold shirt and matching tie??
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The Bow Tie Terminator



"Just sign the pre-nup, bitch!"

(aside: what's up with the glowing pen and cufflinks?)







The White Collar Executive Terminator


He's more concerned about having to wear the gold tie and hold a stupid christmas bulb than seducing his secretary (who looks about 20 years older than him, by the way...).




Happy Monday!!

Just the Same Old Same-Old

The first time I ever saw that strange and mystifying phenomenon known as Cover Art Repeat (hereafter referred to as CAR) I was watching "Romancing the Stone" and on the wall behind a furiously typing Joan Wilder was a cover art poster of "her" novel, previously enjoyed by Johanna Lindsey (pretty sure Fabio was on it).

Since then CARs have popped up regularly on my Romance Radar; some good, some simply awful. And despite how many repeats I've seen, I've had trouble finding them out on the Merry Olde Internet. Feel free to share any CARs you know; I'd like to do another, better one of these down the road. Thanks!
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This is the inside cover art from "Maiden of Inverness" by the late great Arnette Lamb. (Sorry it's so small; couldn't find anything larger.)
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Flip that negative, wave your magic wand and you get...
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Ta-Da! The lady in green!

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The next few aren't exact, but the models are definitely the same (Robyn, how did you get your picture quality to be so good? Mine sucks!).
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Feathers up...
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Feathers down...

(and one weird back-muscle crease)

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No feathers! Just two weird back creases!

(And just for kicks, that lovely pink gown made a comeback as well.)


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Happy Monday!

Your Love Is Killing Me, Baby

Okay, some of you may look at these novels and think, "Oh, how passionate!" I look at them and think, "Oh, broken neck!"

He might look like he's kissing her, but he's really checking for a pulse!

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"OWWW!"

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Bummer for her; she got killed twice! But at least in this one she doesn't have that stupid blonde wig on.
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Not only the odd angle, but her neck is really thick.

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"Wake up, Heather, wake up!!!"

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You don't need to hold her down, Mr. Brit. She's already dead.

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Happy Monday!

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Sweet Embraceable You (The Impossible Edition)

Yes, our heroes and their ladies fair get tangled up in some pretty funky positions! But they scoff at back pain, laugh at muscle strain because passion will not be denied. (And besides, they can always stop at the chiropractor's on the way home...)






The "From Here To Eternity" balancing embrace


I've done these side-crunches before. I've never been able to hold one longer than 2.3 seconds.

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The "From Here To Eternity" sand lounging embrace


Okay, everyone knows this one: sand + sea grass + saltwater = itching, twitching, rash and regret.

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The Barnum & Bailey strongman embrace


How in hades is he holding her up? Where is his other arm exactly?

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The Cosmo Cleavage Connection embrace


Your vote counts! Study the picture closely and decide: Rapture or agony?


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The Cosmo Collision Course embrace


Differs from the Cleavage Connection by specific hand placement and the ability of the hero to shoulder-dodge.
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Happy Monday!!

Yes, I'm a little early with the Monday post. But I won't be around tomorrow, and I just couldn't leave you all in the lurch. Enjoy!
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Just Call Me...





Edward Scissorhands

(just a little off the top, darling...)

David Copperfield

(nothing up my sleeve, but check out my pants!)

Billy Ray Cyrus

(this proves once and for all that mullets have a long and distinguished place in hairstyle history...)

















Zombie Lover from 'Night of the Living Dead'

(...he's coming for you, Charlotte...)

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Fembot. Or maybe She-Man.

(I feel pretty, oh so pretty...)

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Captain Morgan.

(okay, he's cute enough to make me a drink.)

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Loser (pronounced la-hoo-zuh-her, Ace Ventura style)

(not only did she give him a shiner, but she torched his chest hair!)

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Ass Man

(yes, I know it's shadows, but damn! it's huge!)

Happy Monday!
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