I'm starting to think my dog is an agent for some subversive group out there that wants everyone to not watch TV.

See, he eats remotes. And dvds. And VHS tapes. And the pen we used to mark shows we didn't want to miss in the TV Guide. And the TV Guide.

And it's not like he eats the crappy old remotes that don't work or the movies you never watch any more. Oh no. It's the $40 remote the cable company sent to go with the special box we had to have so we could get HBO. And that brand new "Monster House" dvd we just brought home from the library yesterday.

Perhaps he's just trying to make a statement, like 'pay attention to me' or something. But I think he's part of an underground movement. The housepets of the world are going to rise up. They're going to eat our remotes, trip us with their leashes, gas us with their litterbox stench. And then, when we're weak and gasping, they'll strike. They'll take over the world and we'll be the ones drinking out of the toilet bowl and munching down kibble every day.