THIRTEEN THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE WEEK BEFORE VACATION

1. "We're sorry, but your ship's been put into dry dock for two weeks."
2. "Well, we'll try to expedite your passport..."
3. "The airlines just changed our flight time."
4. "Seriously, you will not like how that looks from behind."
5. "Maybe you shouldn't bring that bikini."
6. "Honey, I changed our reservation!"
7. "I'll buy you lessons! It'll be great!"
8. "The hotel is charging us an extra $50 a day for the upgrade."
9. "Company policy states that we can't refund you. We'll just give you a voucher for another trip, 'kay?"
10. "Hey, isn't Aruba where that girl disappeared?"
11. "Are you gonna get married while you're down there?"
12. "Just suck in your gut and it'll look okay."
13. "I think I'll be expecting 'Aunt Flo' during our trip."

Bon voyage, all! I'll give you the scoop on my return.

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