THINK, THINK, THINK...

(a long and rambling post--please refill your beverages and take your bathroom breaks before you begin reading)

I'm one of those lucky types that thinks too much. I'll give you an example:

About a week before Memorial Day, I sent a card to an acquaintance of mine. A male acquaintance (let's call him MA) who just happens to also be an acquaintance of my FS, and who just happens to sail out of the same marina as the FS.

The reason I sent the card was simple: I miss sailing and I wanted to know if MA would take me out once this summer. He takes lots of his friends/acquaintances/associates out, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask.

Now, understand that I was raised by Depression-era, stiff-upper-lip, socially strict parents who had sayings for just about every situation. Add a heaping tablespoon of Catholic on top and the astrological mixed blessing of being a Pisces and *presto*! You get a Manners-Conscious Guilt-Ridden Second-Guessing Highly Imaginative Worrywart (but quite charming, so I've been told).

One particular stricture that was hammered into my brain from the cradle was: "Ladies do not pursue gentlemen." Probably my mother despaired of me ever turning out right; I was quite the tomboy and had far more boy friends than girls. (And I'm sure it didn't help that she hit menopause full-on during my teen years.)

So, back to the point--I really miss sailing. MA is the only other person I know besides FS who sails, and he has always been a likeable sort, so I figure I'll contact him. I don't have his phone # but I do have an address, so I decide I'll write to him.

Think, think, think...

Oh, agony. The card has to be friendly but not too friendly, because I don't want him to think I'm coming on to him although he is kinda cute but he's friends with the ex so that might be kinda weird and I don't think he ever thought about me like that; and don't make it too formal, but not too casual because I'm not a complete ditz and I have to make sure I tell him it's okay if he doesn't want to take me out because I can totally understand how awkward it might be but I really need to convey how much I like to sail and how appreciative I would be for a chance to go but I don't want to beg, or seem like I'm just in it to get laid or something because Ladies do not pursue gentlemen and I don't want him to think I'm some kind of a hussy.

It took me days to configure that stupid card to say what I wanted to say without saying the wrong thing. So I dig up MA's address and send the card. And wait. And wait.

Think, think, think...

Okay, he must have gotten the card by now and he's not hopping right on the phone or stopping by the house or writing back so maybe he doesn't think it's a good idea after all or maybe he's totally embarrassed by me or maybe he's really one of those guys that just never communicates or maybe he didn't get the card at all or maybe he told the FS and they're having a good yuk at my expense right now...

So a good ten days go by and I've settled to the idea that he just didn't want to get involved. I'm moving along, doing my thing, etc.

And then I get out of work the next Friday, turn my cell phone back on (because I have to turn it off at work) and what do you know? There's a message from MA apologizing very nicely for his tardiness and saying sure, he'll take me sailing this summer. He rambled away at my voicemail for almost a whole minute, he sounded very pleased about the idea... and I sensed he was also nervous. I know, there's that whole Code of Behavior thing amongst men, and some guys do get a bit anxious when women take the lead. But being the MCGRSGHIW that I am, and considering that I have no real way (aside from another card/letter) to get back in touch with him because I don't have his number because I have to turn my cell phone off at work, and considering I have not heard from him since then, well...

Think, think, think...

Okay, maybe he changed his mind or I came on too strong even though I didn't think I did or maybe he does like me like that and he's currently flipping out but no I'm sure he doesn't because wouldn't I have sensed that at some point or maybe he's one of those guys that doesn't ever plan ahead and a month from now he'll call me at the last fricking minute to go and I'll already have something planned so I won't be able to go or maybe he's waiting for me to call him but I can't because I don't have his stupid phone number and I don't want to write him again or be a pest because after all, Ladies do not pursue gentlemen and...

You get the idea. I just love being me.

(and if he ever calls back, I'll let youall know. I'm sure you're just hanging on the edges of your seats!)