According to the hallowed halls of my university (Kent State, if you're interested) the cost of my upcoming librarianship is going to be roughly $20,000.00. Now, I fully plan on completing my degree and being in student loan hell for the following 10 years or so, but I can't help imagining what other things could be done with that money...
1. I could pay off other bills and have plenty of change left over for more upcoming bills--as we all know, bills never die, they just gain interest.
2. I could get giant breast implants. Or maybe a butt implant so I can look more like J.Lo.
3. I could put up that fence I've been whining about. And a deck. And paint my garage, and buy a real lawnmower... ugh, yardwork...
4. OOH! I could HIRE someone to do my yardwork!!
5. I could trick out the Matrix--give it low rider tires and a groovy paint job and one of those glass mufflers that's really annoying to hear.
6. Oh, and of course a stereo system that breaks windows with the bass and hydraulics so I can bounce while waiting for the traffic light to change.
7. I could get a gold tooth in front. Fo' Shizzle, I'd be da shit, man.
8. I could by pounds of gold chains to weight down my neck like Madonna.
9. I could buy all that expensive makeup and hair stuff on TV and then get mad when it doesn't magically turn me into Cindy Crawford.
10. I could vacation. On that island in the Caribbean that what's his name who owns Virgin Records owns. Of course, all y'all could come too.
11. Or maybe I could BUY some obscure island out there on the cheap and turn it into a fancy schmancy $10 grand a night retreat of my very own.
12. Or I could buy a tricked out sailboat to cruise around Lake Erie on.
13. And hire a super cute captain-type with a hot bod and a hairy chest to sail her for me...
Thanks for waiting around, guys! See you Monday--