Friday, August 22, 2008

THIRTEEN ALTERNATIVE USES FOR MY TUITION DOLLARS
According to the hallowed halls of my university (Kent State, if you're interested) the cost of my upcoming librarianship is going to be roughly $20,000.00. Now, I fully plan on completing my degree and being in student loan hell for the following 10 years or so, but I can't help imagining what other things could be done with that money...
1. I could pay off other bills and have plenty of change left over for more upcoming bills--as we all know, bills never die, they just gain interest.
2. I could get giant breast implants. Or maybe a butt implant so I can look more like J.Lo.
3. I could put up that fence I've been whining about. And a deck. And paint my garage, and buy a real lawnmower... ugh, yardwork...
4. OOH! I could HIRE someone to do my yardwork!!
5. I could trick out the Matrix--give it low rider tires and a groovy paint job and one of those glass mufflers that's really annoying to hear.
6. Oh, and of course a stereo system that breaks windows with the bass and hydraulics so I can bounce while waiting for the traffic light to change.
7. I could get a gold tooth in front. Fo' Shizzle, I'd be da shit, man.
8. I could by pounds of gold chains to weight down my neck like Madonna.
9. I could buy all that expensive makeup and hair stuff on TV and then get mad when it doesn't magically turn me into Cindy Crawford.
10. I could vacation. On that island in the Caribbean that what's his name who owns Virgin Records owns. Of course, all y'all could come too.
11. Or maybe I could BUY some obscure island out there on the cheap and turn it into a fancy schmancy $10 grand a night retreat of my very own.
12. Or I could buy a tricked out sailboat to cruise around Lake Erie on.
13. And hire a super cute captain-type with a hot bod and a hairy chest to sail her for me...
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Thanks for waiting around, guys! See you Monday--
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3 Comments:

spyscribbler said...

The vacation would be nice! I'd buy an RV and move into it. And live on the road!

StarvingWriteNow said...

I can totally see you doing that!

Robyn said...

Let me know on that island thing. I'd totally be your cook.