Thursday, September 06, 2007


Since last Friday I've been doing some research into the fascinating and sometimes scary world of romance novel covers. (Yes, Robyn, this peasant is still bowing... can I have another brownie?)

While I'm not ready yet for the complete plunge into cover snarkdom, I've learned to look at romance in a whole new way. In fact, in my browsing I've discovered an amazing phenomena that nearly makes me weep every time I think about it. Apparently, your average Italian/Greek/European millionaire prince/tycoon/boss has a really tough time in the romance department. These hunks of burning love are so desperate for their women they'll use any means, stoop to any lows to get them.

Don't believe me? Read on:

1. Kept By The Spanish Billionaire

Money may not buy love, but it can drive a hard bargain.

2. The Italian's Forced Bride

Forced how, exactly? Was he gonna whack her if she didn't submit? Give her a pair of cement overshoes? (Trust me, on the cover she sure didn't look like she was being forced.)

3. The Future King's Pregnant Mistress

Kind of a bummer for his "sweet young thing" marriage prospects.

4. Bought: The Greek's Bride

"Uuuup next on the block we have Lot #32 a gorgeous long-legged pouty-lipped perfectly stacked blonde who's a liiiive wire in and out of bed! What am I bid, what am I bid, what am I bid?"

5. The Brazilian's Blackmail Bargain

My bet is he blackmailed her with photos of her behind in a Brazilian-cut bikini (Don't make me show your mama what a bad girl you are...).

6. The Italian Prince's Pregnant Bride

Whoa! Watch that spit!

7. The Italian's Wedding Ultimatum

"I will make you an offer... you can't refuse..."

8. The Italian's Stolen Bride

Nothing to blackmail her with? Money all tied up in the market? Just get out your blindfold and gag and you're in business!

9. Sicilian Husband, Blackmailed Bride

(Dreamy sigh...) True love always begins with threats, doesn't it?

10. The Greek Tycoon's Unwilling Wife

Dude, you're a tycoon! You make or break people every day and you can't get any at home??

11. The Millionaire's Runaway Bride

What happened after she read the fine print on the pre-nup.

12. Love-Slave to the Sheikh

Kidnapping and life in a harem. I'm surprised women aren't lined up for this guy.

13. At the Greek Boss's Bidding

She's taking a bit more than dictation, I'd guess.
Couldn't you just cry?? If these poor sad multimillionaire types have such trouble with love, what about the rest of us? Is there any hope?

PS: I didn't include cover art on this post because they are all the same: a man & woman in some kind of steamy embrace. But don't worry, I've started collecting covers and I'll be back...



Robyn said...

Brownies on me! I think these are supposed to play into our Cinderella complex; that we all want the handsome rich man to be so enamored that they will do anything to get us.

The By God I Will Have Her Factor.

What kills me is that most women would have caved on the first proposal. "You want me to marry you, have a child that will tie me to you forever, and you're cute, rich, and royal? Ummm...the problem would be what, again?"

spyscribbler said...

Yeah, robyn. I could go for a Greek billionaire right now. Hah! I think I'd say yes, on the first date!

Honey said...

Huh... never noticed the theme before. Thanks for pointing it out. :) It really does make me wonder...

Erica Orloff said...


Thanks for the smile to start my morning. I laughed out loud at some of your asides.

StarvingWriteNow said...

Hooray! Visitors!

Guess I better get busy with those covers...

Missie said...

Notice how the titles are never

"The Polish Guy Who Smells Like Sausage's Runaway Fiancee"


"The Hairy Bohunk Who Still Lives With His Mama's Unwilling Wife"

They are always rich, always handsome, always ready to commit because they're doing all this forcing, etc. Um, romance world? These guys do not exist in nature....