THIRTEEN TITLES TO SYMPATHIZE WITH (or, Love Stinks For These Guys)
Since last Friday I've been doing some research into the fascinating and sometimes scary world of romance novel covers. (Yes, Robyn, this peasant is still bowing... can I have another brownie?)
While I'm not ready yet for the complete plunge into cover snarkdom, I've learned to look at romance in a whole new way. In fact, in my browsing I've discovered an amazing phenomena that nearly makes me weep every time I think about it. Apparently, your average Italian/Greek/European millionaire prince/tycoon/boss has a really tough time in the romance department. These hunks of burning love are so desperate for their women they'll use any means, stoop to any lows to get them.
Don't believe me? Read on:
1. Kept By The Spanish Billionaire
Money may not buy love, but it can drive a hard bargain.
2. The Italian's Forced Bride
Forced how, exactly? Was he gonna whack her if she didn't submit? Give her a pair of cement overshoes? (Trust me, on the cover she sure didn't look like she was being forced.)
3. The Future King's Pregnant Mistress
Kind of a bummer for his "sweet young thing" marriage prospects.
4. Bought: The Greek's Bride
"Uuuup next on the block we have Lot #32 a gorgeous long-legged pouty-lipped perfectly stacked blonde who's a liiiive wire in and out of bed! What am I bid, what am I bid, what am I bid?"
5. The Brazilian's Blackmail Bargain
My bet is he blackmailed her with photos of her behind in a Brazilian-cut bikini (Don't make me show your mama what a bad girl you are...).
6. The Italian Prince's Pregnant Bride
Whoa! Watch that spit!
7. The Italian's Wedding Ultimatum
"I will make you an offer... you can't refuse..."
8. The Italian's Stolen Bride
Nothing to blackmail her with? Money all tied up in the market? Just get out your blindfold and gag and you're in business!
9. Sicilian Husband, Blackmailed Bride
(Dreamy sigh...) True love always begins with threats, doesn't it?
10. The Greek Tycoon's Unwilling Wife
Dude, you're a tycoon! You make or break people every day and you can't get any at home??
11. The Millionaire's Runaway Bride
What happened after she read the fine print on the pre-nup.
12. Love-Slave to the Sheikh
Kidnapping and life in a harem. I'm surprised women aren't lined up for this guy.
13. At the Greek Boss's Bidding
She's taking a bit more than dictation, I'd guess.
Couldn't you just cry?? If these poor sad multimillionaire types have such trouble with love, what about the rest of us? Is there any hope?
PS: I didn't include cover art on this post because they are all the same: a man & woman in some kind of steamy embrace. But don't worry, I've started collecting covers and I'll be back...