Thursday, October 04, 2007


THIRTEEN ITEMS THAT WILL MAKE MY CHRISTMAS LIST
Yes folks, those gods of shopping, Neiman Marcus, have released their christmas catalog at last. This year marks their hundredth anniversary, and to celebrate they've pulled out all the stops with a fantasy collection sure to please even the pickiest person on your list. If any of you all are feeling especially flush in the pockets this year, feel free to make my christmas dreams come true with any of the following:
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1. A 30-foot long dragon topiary with blown glass eyeballs, gold claws and horns. $35,000. Be the envy of all the neighborhood kids and the bane of all the neighborhood adults at the same time!!!
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2. His and hers double portrait, done in chocolate syrup. $110,000. I'm not kidding. I could probably get me a bottle of Hershey's down at Giant Eagle and do the same for about $3.95, but that's beside the point.
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3. Tree tent by Dre' Wapenaar, $50,000. I totally don't get this one. It looks like a green bag hanging in a pine tree.
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4. Papalotzin Ultralight, $80,000. Fly everywhere! And annoy your neighbors again with that high-pitched engine whine!
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5. Classical Superstars Fantasy Concert hosted by Regis Philbin, $1,590,000. Don't get me wrong here, I like classical music. But I can't stand Regis Philbin.
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6. NM Gem Triton 1000 Submarine, $1,440,000. I'm sure if I think about it long enough, I'll figure out a reason why I need this.
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7. Swami Conversational Robot, $75,000. Ideal for those who have no one else to talk to. But I think I'd get paranoid that he'd take on a sinister life of his own...
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8. "Diamond in the Rough" custom necklace, starting at $1,000,000. This is some obscene carat weight, and yes, it's a diamond, but it's ugly. Period.
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9. Vertu Diamond Phone, $73,000. Makes my Motorola look like a big piece of crap.
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10. NM Exclusive Lexus Sedan, $68,000. It's nice, but everyone knows a Lexus is just a jumped-up Toyota. Maybe I can trick out my Matrix instead.
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11. Rocket Racing League Franchise, $2,000,000. Everyone should own a sports team once in their life.
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12. Media Wall, starting at $100,000. If you've read/seen Fahrenheit 451, you should be very scared right now.
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13. World Peace. No, NM doesn't offer this, but considering everything today, it seems just as impractical as the Rocket League or Mr. Swami.
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Happy almost-Holidays!
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3 Comments:

Rhonda Stapleton said...

HOLY CRAP...I'm amazed at the stuff people will buy.

AMAZED.

moonrat said...

heeheehee. perhaps the portrait just uses many bottles of chocolate syrup? or maybe it's ghiradelli?

yeah, i got SCHOOLED in the use of "snafu" last week. schooled by an insurance salesman. sigh.

spyscribbler said...

Wow, where do you find this stuff? I can't believe it! I just can't believe it!

It's kinda cool what money can buy, LOL ...