Thursday, December 13, 2007



THIRTEEN BAD CHRISTMAS GIFTS



What's the worst gift you've ever received, either as a true "under the tree" type gift or in a gift exchange (white elephant or otherwise)? Anything out there as bad as Ralphie's bunny suit? Following is a list of things received, or things I hope I never receive:



1. A Chia Pet.

2. A T-Shirt or Sweatshirt with a really ugly logo/pattern, or advertising something like "Frank's Gutter Cleaning" or "My dad went to Aruba and all I got was this crummy t-shirt."

3. A piece of exercise equipment. Unless you ask for this, it's pretty insulting.

4. A teeny (we're talking 1x2 inches) little toy car in a big, pretty box. This was a gift exchange selection gone wrong, and I got it!

5. Fruitcake. Not the really good, homemade ones but the rock-hard brick in the clearance section of the drugstore that has those freaky fluorescent cherries all through it.
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6. A used hat. Sweetheart got this at an office gift exchange and it had a sweat stain on the band. Eeeuuuww!
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7. A dancing/singing/wiggling Santa/snowman/fish. This is the trifecta "awful" gift: ugly, obnoxious, and battery operated!
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8. Nothing. As in, "Christmas is today? Gee, I forgot..."
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9. An appliance. Again, unless you asked for it...
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10. Presents for your baby when you're pregnant. Essentially, there's nothing wrong with this unless the only presents that you, Pregnant Goddess, receive are like onesies and blankies and stuff. Nothing for you individually. (Yes, this happened to me.)
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11. The "As Seen On TV" gift that either doesn't work when you get it, drives you insane within minutes, or is so NOT anything you ever could have needed. Like, say, The Clapper, The Miracle Slicer, or anything by RonCo.
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12. Trashy lingerie. Not pretty stuff, mind you, but the Fredricks of Hollywood cheap red satin babydoll with plunging neckline, yards of scratchy lace and crotchless thong panties to match.
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13. Giant, Sam's Club-size products, like, say, a magnum of Listerine.
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Any candidates? Share!
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8 Comments:

Church Lady said...

You are too funny!
I came over here from Bernita's blog because I enjoyed your entry.

The vocabulary words at the left sidebar are a little too close for comfort...(sigh)

Although this is my favorite holiday, I don't exchange Xmas presents with other grown-ups, unless it's part of a group secret Santa exchange.

I get enjoyment buying gifts for children in my life. And eating. And listening to Christmas music and sleeping in. And eating.
:-)

StarvingWriteNow said...

Thanks! I had fun writing it!

And I hear you about the eating thing... oy!

J.K. Mahal said...

Worst present? The china doll angel I received when I was 20. I don't collect china dolls (which I find creepy) and I don't collect angels. I'm not sure what my mother was thinking.

Loved your list. I came over from Spy Scribbler, since she said she loved your blog.

Jen

StarvingWriteNow said...

And I love Spy's blog. Thanks for dropping in!

Honey said...

Great list! That chia pet's a classic offender, isn't it? Do you ever wonder if they actually made more than 10 that just get passed from one person to the next year after year?

I can't think of a worst gift I've ever received, but Mr. Honey and I gave a good one at a white elephant gift exchange a few years ago.

It was a 15-year-old pink plaid robe, and the biggest, burliest guy at the party ended up with it. He was a good sport about it, too - he wore it around the bar the rest of the evening.

spyscribbler said...

Oopsy. Just bought my friend a baby sort of present, LOL. I've always wanted a Chia pet, really!

These are hilarious!

Robyn said...

Sorry I've been away! We got caught in the Ice Storm of the Century. I don't think there are any trees left in Oklahoma.

You're so cute. Really good entry in Bernita's contest, BTW. I think my worst present, which I received as a 12 year old, from a relative, was a card. That's it. Just a card, no money, no gift certificate, no coupon. And other kids in the room got actual packages.

StarvingWriteNow said...

Honey, your gift exchange parties must be a blast! And I think you might be on to something about the Chia pets--they're becoming the fruitcake of a whole new generation!

Natasha, baby-type presents are okay. But take it from one who's been there: if that is ALL you get, no gifts whatsoever for you as an individual, it kinda pisses you off after a while. Personally I felt like I ceased to exist for my in laws the minute I became pregnant--it was like I was just a vessel to carry the beloved grandson around for 9 months. Annoying as hell.

YAY!!! Robyn is back! I was wondering if you might live in that area of the US, and I missed your commenting this week. Thank goodness you're okay!