Thursday, November 13, 2008


Believe it or not, it is possible to remove sex from your mind, if only for a few minutes. Why anyone would want to, I'm sure I don't know, but in case you (like me) are in the position of not getting any until some unknown future date, here are some suggestions to take that diverting activity off your mind:

1. Sky Diving. Utter terror does it every time.

2. Run a four-minute mile. You'll be so exhausted you'll just want to sleep.

3. Train-Dodging. You'll be too shaky afterwards.

4. Bait a mean neighborhood dog. this activity could cause you to run a three minute mile, or climb a tree without the use of your hands or feet!

5.Clean your basement/attic/garage. All that sentimentality over snookums' baby pictures will totally knock amorous urges away.

6. Pick a fight with someone. Of course, if you pick the wrong someone, you could wind up out of a job or in the hospital, so choose wisely.

7. Rake a yardful of leaves by hand. No blowers, no help from those neighborhood kids... do it all yourself. Not only will you be too tired afterwards, but as an added bonus you'll be achy and blistered and sore for days!

8. Read some quality non-fiction. Like, say... a cookbook. Or one of those tattle books about the mob complete with bloody pictures. Not only will you forget about sex, but you won't want to eat either--this option is figure-friendly!

9. Catch the latest flu going around. You'll be too busy taking your temperature and moaning to be much good to anyone.

10. Check your kid's report cards. This one will keep you angry for days.

11. Take six shots of tequila in six minutes. You'll be too busy a) sleeping it off or b) vomiting to worry about l'amour.

12. Go shopping. It's fun, it's easy! And when the credit card bills come, you'll be so depressed having to pay them that sex will completely slip your mind!

13. Take a little snooze. This option can waste hours!

Okay, so it's actually Friday and not Thursday. I'm a little behind this week. Enjoy--and share your diversions in comments!


spyscribbler said...

The cookbook thing wouldn't work for me since food totally turns me on. But I need something. DH has been gone for seven months, and now he's getting dentures, which is a go-to-dentist-every-week process in which he's always in immense pain.

I am SO frustrated I can't tell you!

StarvingWriteNow said...

Haven't you gently reminded him that sex will take his mind off pain?