Thursday, January 08, 2009


Of course, of course, I have made some actual resolutions. Like, to be nicer to people, and to stop forgetting that my dog is outside after I let him out only to remember 20 minutes later and he's down the street in the neighbor's garbage (I already broke this one last night--just hand me that "Bad Pet Mother of the Year" award right now, thanks...). But the following is a list of resolutions that I won't be making, for obvious reasons:


1. Grow a beard.
2. Learn a new sport, like kayaking or spelunking, for example.
3. Install another tub surround (see prior posts).
4. Multitask. I've found that one task at a time suits me much better.
5. Buy a giant, space-age plasma-coated television set that needs HD upgrades and only plays Blu-Ray discs and takes up half my living room.
6. Make my entire back yard into a garden the whole neighborhood will envy (I'd like to do this, but the years have given me--thank God!--some practicality as well as beauty{snort!}.)
7. Drink more.
8. Exercise less.
9. Eat like I'm sitting on death row every night.
10. Set goals that will make me feel guilty every day.
11. Return to single-alone-hood. I'm very happily un-single again and I intend to stay that way.
12. Sacrifice all my free time for others.
13. Bust my ass for no appreciation/reward (don't get me wrong here, I'm a nice person. Really. But I have the unfortunate habit of wanting to help out everyone and slaving away at projects that give literally nothing in return but heartache, stress and/or financial difficulty--no can do no more, too bad, so sad...).

What resolutions will you not be making? Share in comments!


spyscribbler said...

We need to catch up! I'm over at Strongsville every Tuesday, just about. And most Fridays and Saturdays.

I want to hear all about this unsinglehood!

Missie said...

1. I will not run off and leave my husband for Pete Wentz.
2. I will not develop anorexia or bulemia.
3. I will not get pregnant.
4. I will not rob a bank.
5. I will not shave my head.
6. I will not become a Scientologist.
7. I will not become a vegan.