GOTTA LOVE THEM CRAZY HQ COVERS

They may be cringe-worthy or orgasm inducing, fug or fab--but they're always entertaining!

Guest-starring with me today, all the way from Stonehenge is the lovely and talented original mistress of the snark, Robyn!

(insert trumpet fanfare here)

She picked out some fun covers for us to play around with, and I'm also guest-starring on her blog, Picnic at Stonehenge today. Click over there to see her fun covers!

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SECRET AGENT AFFAIR

Beth: Holy cow! It’s Dr. Kelly Brackett from Emergency! Amazingly, he hasn’t aged a day since 1975! He’s still got it, sprinting (power-walking? just pumping his arms for effect?) from bedpan to bedpan, performing medical miracles in under 60 minutes. But what inquiring minds want to know is this: Where’s Johnny Gage? Rrrowwrr!
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Robyn: I would love this, except that he looks like his ex-lax has just kicked in and he’s only running to save his dignity.
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THE ROAD TO LOVE

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Beth: …stranger on her doorstep… Okay, sweetie, that fella isn’t here to hold your clothespins. Drop the basket, run inside and load the shotgun. NOW.

Robyn: A dusty man, coming down a dusty road. Toward a woman in a hideous housedress who has just finished a big load of laundry. Because, as you know, Harlequin Knows Romance.

Beth: ...and can I just point out I’ve never once had an apron that would cross over itself around my hips? She should be strung up and force-fed Krispy Kremes until she stretches that thing out properly!

What's your opinion of the fugliness? Comment away--and don't forget to hop over to Robyn's blog and check out her selections too!
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THIRTEEN RANDOM GOOGLES

Just for fun, I'm going to do some googling this morning and see how many hits I come up with. Ready? Set? GOOOOOOOgle!
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1. "Starvingwritenow": Believe it, my little moniker came up with 787 hits! Isn't that swell? I'm almost popular!

2. "Labrador Retriever Bart": 6 hits. Six other labs out there named Bart. (Mine is too busy napping right now to care.)

3. "Dreadlocks": 2,810,000 hits. And some scary images to boot. I saw someone with them last night and the urge to break out my scissors was nearly overpowering.

4. "Poison Ivy": 4,230,000 hits. Apparently more people have poison ivy than dreadlocks.

5. "Ironman": 14,400,000 hits. Who says we're not an entertainment-driven society?

6. "Skateboarding crashes": 414,000 hits. Several YouTube videos included which I won't watch on an empty stomach.

7. "Pope John Paul II": 4,440,000 hits. Not bad. However Pope Benedict was double that. Of course, he's alive (this might have something to do with it).

8. "Kerfluffle": 40,300 hits. It's gaining momentum, folks! Pretty soon people everywhere will be saying it!(See my Vocab sidebar for definition) However, the K word has nothing on...

9. "The F Word": 227,000,000 hits. But the F word has nothing on...

10. "The": 16,280,000,000 hits. That's a lot of the's, people!

11. "Bimbos in outer space": 43,100 hits. That's a lot of bimbos, people! However, if you put quotes around it (to search specifically for that word order; I just learned that the other day!) you only get 5 actual hits.

12. "Astrological compatibility": 921,000 hits. I tried this last time and look where it got me. Next time (if ever there is one) I'm winging it.

13. "Kama Sutra": 22,200,000 hits. Guess I'd better get a little more flexible...

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Your challenge today is to do a random google and post your result in the comments. Have fun!

Collaboration, Collusion, and best of all--Company!

Friday morning (the 30th for you numerically minded folks) marks the very first time I will have a guest on my blog! Hooray for Robyn! She's coming to visit all the way from Stonehenge, where she's been picnicking for quite some time.

Equally fun, I will be guesting on her Friday blog as well. And maybe, after picnicking at Stonehenge, I won't be Starving any more? Hmm...

(okay, as a joke, it wasn't funny. but kiiiind of clever...)

TT tomorrow, then special Wonder Twins Snark on Friday! See you there!

Hi all--

Sorry I'm behind; I spent my loooong weekend working (hooray!). I'm not particularly in the mood for love today, but I have news: Robyn and I will be collaborating soon on a novel cover snark! How cool is that? Speaking of cool, click her link on my sidebar and go see who she considers the ultimate man of romance.

See youall soon!

THIRTEEN SUMMERY THOUGHTS

With the kickoff of Memorial Day, Summer unofficially begins this weekend. Time for raising flags, parade-going, song-singing and burning dinner to a crisp on the barbeque. I love Summer, and though this one will be in many respects totally different, I still think I can manage to have a nice time...

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1. Hiking. I love to walk, and my area does have hiking clubs that are free to "tag on" with.

2. Gardening. I'll be planting like crazy this weekend and watering like a madwoman the rest of the summer, but having fresh tomatoes and beans and all that yumminess is worth it.

3. Mowing the grass. With my reel mower. I'll have arms like Popeye by Fall.

4. Finding new ice cream stands. This activity is of prime importance.

5. Exploring. I told myself that while Son is gone I am going to get to know my city better.

6. Napping. I don't have a hammock, and I don't really have any shade in my yard, but I'll figure out something.

7. Visiting friends. Reconnecting. Making new friends.

8. Bicycling. Lots of trails and destinations around here.

9. Throwing a party. I can do it. I totally rock. Of course if nobody comes that would really suck, but I'll forge ahead with confidence and eat all the snacks myself if I have to (moo!).

10. Going to parties. Hey, I might get invited to one. You never know.

11. Lazing on the beach. There are some lovely beaches along the lake. Yes, I'll wear plenty of sunscreen.

12. Getting out on the water. I may have lost my boat (the Galilee was the one piece of property I felt an ownership of and I miss her--the louse) but I can still go swimming--and maybe hitch a ride on someone else's boat!

13. Discovering restaurants with outside patios. I love eating outside.

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How about you? What fun summery things do you like best? Share!

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ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE COVERS

Seriously, I don't even know where to begin here, except to say yikes!

THIRTEEN MOM a/o DAD -ISMS

When I was growing up, back in the good old days before cable, internet and cell phones, mom and dad seemed to have advice/a saying for just about everything. Being a good daughter, I have made every effort to pass these on to my son, who will hopefully pass them on to his children, and so on and so on... It's part of my eeeevil plan to live forever.

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1. "Are you waiting for the second coming?" Usually employed when we were standing with the fridge door open, air-conditioning the entire house.

2. "You want something to cry about, I'll give you something to cry about." The never fail-cure for making tears dry up fast.

3. "Good God In Heaven!" Mom's personal fave--with 5 kids, she said it ALOT.

4. "You dumb clunk!" Depending on how stupidly we behaved (like, say, practically running dad over with the tractor), each kid took turns being the "Clunk".

5. "That which is concealed is far more attractive than that which is obvious." Priceless advice with regards to modesty--4 girls and not one hoochie in the bunch.

6. "You will get your reward in the next world." I sure hope so, 'cause I got a lot of these racked up.

7. "I feel for you, but I can't reach you." The looks I get when I use this one on Son are hilarious.

8. "You're all right!" Pretty much any injury fell into this category.

9. "Do I need to cut it off?" This question, delivered with the utmost sincerity, will usually dry up tears. If not, refer to #2.

10. "If the road behind looks better than the road ahead, you better not go down it." Priceless advice from dad regarding marriage.

11. "Go ask your mother." Oh yes. It's a classic.

12. "When your father gets home..." You never wanted to hear this in my house.

13. "Don't become a statistic!" Dad's personal fave, especially useful when we were driving the car out the driveway.

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I may add more as the day goes on. Happy day!

THE BILLIONAIRE'S CLUB

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Yes, HQN has upped the stakes to the next level. You're a millionaire? No biggie. A tycoon? Totally last season. A Sheikh? So what? All the blackmailed pregnant defiant virgin secretaries are going for the big guns, now, boys. Better check your bank books.

Happy Monday, folks.

THIRTEEN GREAT INVENTIONS
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Yes, yes, I know. None of the following truly are "great" like, say, Edison and the lightbulb great. But they make life heaven for little old me!
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1. Coffee Makers. I'm old enough to remember my mother using a glass percolator on the stove for the morning coffee. "Plug and play" suits me much better.

2. Inner-spring mattresses. You all know by now how much I love bed, so this one's a no-brainer!

3. Paperback books. Granted, my job in the library makes it possible to read a lot of hardback books. But when it comes to buying, I nearly always go for the paper--the lower cost (in most cases) means I can buy MORE!

4. Spiral-bound notebooks. I've had a long-standing love affair with these. You can take them everywhere, write anywhere... heaven. And speaking of writing...

5. Mechanical pencils. I LOVE these.

6. Natural-waist jeans. Being remarkably short-waisted, I feel like I hit the lottery every time I put a pair of these on. Personal brand faves: Coldwater Creek and Land's End.

7. Office chairs on wheels. I'm sure there's a name for these, but I don't know it. I do know, however, that I love launching myself six ways to Sunday behind my desk.

8. Birkenstock sandals. I've owned one pair since 1990. They're still in one piece and they fit like a glove.

9. Plastic storage tubs. I probably own one in every single size there is (I'm one of those organizer types, dontcha know).

10. Fleece. It's fuzzy, it's warm, and it makes me happy. I'd marry it if I could.

11. Thermal travel mugs. I loves me my coffee--at home, in the car, at work...

12. Text messaging. I can keep in touch with Son when he's out with his homies without embarrassment--he's at that sensitive age...

13. Magnetic clasps. You know, those thingys you attach to either end of a necklace so you don't have to frog around with those teeny tiny hooks?

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What invention(s) make life worth living for you? Share!

"MODEL" AMERICANS

Well, folks, it seems Harlequin has run out of supersexy man-hunk types to pose for their covers(after all, they put out a bazillion novels a month). In desperation, they've gone on a manhunt throughout Harlequin Headquarters for a few stand-ins:

This is Rich from Human Resources. After the shoot, he went around all day tipping an invisible hat and saying, "Howdy, partner!"

This happy couple is Scott from Accounting and Jenny from Admin. Instead of enjoying his one and only chance to feel up a redhead, Scott's actually eyeing the side of the boat, looking for a good spot to hurl.

This is Bill, senior VP of operations. He can't wait to fire the entire art department for putting him in this stupid baseball getup.


This is Tanner, son of Julie the Receptionist. He pulled out all his baby teeth for this occasion! Give him a hand, folks!

Happy Monday!

"I'm surrounded by idiots!"

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(Ah, Lex. You and your evil genius.)

This post really isn't about idiots, but simply about something I've noticed. Probably because I'm just a little sensitive to this matter, so my radar is up or something. And it's springtime.

I swear, I am surrounded by men in midlife crisis sportscar mode.

Bad enough that FS bought a yellow sports car that can be seen from outer space. But my next door neighbor (late 50's I'd guess) has a red muscle car that he tools around in, the guy behind me that will be moving in sometime in July has an electric blue Miata (thank God he's married) and this other guy in the 'hood is constantly showing off on his Harley.

Not to mention all the middle-aged dorks test-driving convertibles from the Porsche dealership down the road. It's just unbelievable. They're everywhere!!

Happy weekend, all.

THIRTEEN RANDOM THINKS
(because I can't think of anything cool this Thursday)
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1. I've noticed when I start cleaning a room it gets messier before it gets cleaner.

2. I think people get bedhead so God can have a good laugh over his coffee in the morning.

3. Loving your dog or cat is way easier than loving people.

4. I miss writing letters. Sure, the internet is great, but I miss putting pen to paper, opening envelopes, reading the words first really fast, then going back and reading slowly, savoring it.
5. I believe that for many men "midlife crisis" is just an excuse to act stupid and not be held accountable for said stupidness.

6. I also believe that for many women "PMS" is just an excuse to be bitchy and get away with it.

7. Why is it that when you decide you really want something, a bunch of obstacles spring up in your path?

8. How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie-pop?

9. I still, at 41, love to color. And I love how crayons smell, too.

10. I think it is totally unfair that the world is full of people who just get away with stuff and I never get away with anything.

11. There's nothing finer than burying your face in a bunch of lilacs on the first of May. And yes, I inhaled. Many times.

12. Books are better than TV, mowing grass, shoveling snow and (sometimes) sex.

13. I think... I can't think of anything else!

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Happy TT!